(More) On Goodbyes

I was never good with goodbyes
I am uncomfortable with all that come with them
Of saying goodbye
Of saying sorry and thank you of what has passed
Of letting go each and every little thing
Of the longing and missing
Of reminiscing all the memories
Of feeling the loss and the separation
Of knowing things will never be the same again
Of not knowing what will happen next
Of all the things that will change
Of all that will remain the same
Of what had happened
Of what might have happened
When we we are not together

My worst goodbye was when moving from Bandung to Jogja
Because it was home for years, where all my stories were written
Where memories, hopes, and despair was shared
First loves, crushes, and broken hearts were mend
Because I will never go back, and it will never be the same

I wish I can just leave and disappear
Without saying goodbyes
Without feeling goodbyes